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My personal boyfriend’s ex-wife possess a daughter (age 14) from a previous union, whom my personal sweetheart

My personal boyfriend’s ex-wife possess a daughter (age 14) from a previous union, whom my personal sweetheart

Email your questions to advice columnists Carolyn Hax and Amy Dickinson or read latest inquiries every single day at

Daddy flowing cereal for the kids (image: Andersen Ross, Getty Images/Blend photographs)

Dear Amy: Im at this time dating/living with my boyfriend of three-years. He has a daughter (9 yrs old) from a previous wedding that we have actually with our team almost every other sunday.

will periodically refer to as their “stepson,” although for as long as we have been with each other he’s got never ever invested anytime with him, nor have any contact with him, except for occasionally watching the “stepson” as he drops off/picks up their daughter.

There is a holiday coming up, and my boyfriend’s child welcomed her bro (the “stepson”) going without our very own approval.

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My personal date appears confident with the “stepson” going, but I’m uncomfortable with-it.

For me the last should stay static in the past, as there are absolutely no reason in an attempt to co-mingle people (apart from my personal boyfriend’s girl).

I will additionally discuss that my personal sweetheart with his ex-wife are best collectively for a few years. What are your opinions about this? Have always been I overreacting?

Dear Torn: I don’t determine if you might be overreacting, but you are definitely more guilty of over-punctuating.

Their insistence on referring to your own guy’s stepson as a “stepson” — like this is exactly debatable — is exposing.

The man you’re seeing ended up being married on boy’s mother, correct? Then the boy could be the man’s stepson.

I know many, many stepparents just who stay near their particular stepchildren following relationship has ended. This will be best not constantly possible, especially if the stepparent’s subsequent partner keeps firm thoughts in regards to the “past residing in days gone by,” and not “co-mingling households.”

Your guy’s child should not posses asked this teenage on your holiday, but — she’s 9. He’s the lady sibling. She most likely made some assumptions regarding what constitutes a “family holiday” that merely don’t apparently use in this instance.

When this child life together with cousin as well as their mommy, he then is within the girl’s existence

A 9-year-old shouldn’t getting generating best selection regarding the vacation, however you should talk to your partner about any of it in private and decide between your what direction to go.

If you two choose to not ever range from the child, possible explain they like this: “We’re perhaps not going to put him this time around, nevertheless’ve reminded me that I don’t learn him that really. Maybe however like to hang out with our team at some point on one with the weekends you’re here. How Would You Like that?”

Dear Amy: My personal daughter is getting hitched about 250 kilometers at home the coming year. I’ve currently requested my friends and relatives when they imagine they could attend, and simply 1 of 20 mentioned she may very well.

I told my personal child that she, the woman fiance and his family must casually poll themselves so that they don’t place a deposit on a hall for no less than 100 someone when best 20 may recognize the invitation.

My personal girl claims that will be an impolite and unsatisfactory course of action.

We state it might help save thousands of money whether they have a vague notion of exactly how many attendees to plan on before committing to extreme banquet hall that they can wanted that loan to pay for.

Preciselywhat are your opinions about strategy, be sure to?

— Extremely Worried MOB


Household gets a head start fretting about Thanksgiving

Dear MOB: it isn’t impolite to ask pals and family if they can be accessible for a wedding on a certain big date; many people try to achieve this by delivering “save the date” notices well in advance, but (like you) I just believe that it is smart to attempt to see a standard count before getting all the way down in initial deposit.

But — this is your daughter’s marriage, maybe not yours. Unless you are funding this or are being questioned specifically for the feedback, you should allow few handle it.

It’s not best if you take out loans to cover weddings; beginning married life in financial trouble for a one-day gathering try getting lots of pressure on the pair.

Dear Amy: I experienced to chuckle at the letter from “Peeved,” just who resented the fact their own friend (whom could manage workers) had asked for assist going.

I simply faced this event finally sunday! A lot of you arrived to greatly help. One pal injured his straight back, one buddy fallen a table, and as a whole it actually was a real mess.

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